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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26713426">It's forevermore that I'll wait.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rogue1987/pseuds/Rogue1987'>Rogue1987</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Band Fic, Cats, Complicated Relationships, Dysfunctional Family, Epic Friendship, Fluff and Smut, Guilt, M/M, POV Alternating, Platonic Soulmates, Post-Break Up, References to Illness, Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll, Sexual Tension</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 07:15:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,190</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26713426</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rogue1987/pseuds/Rogue1987</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Queen is on the verge of their grand success and their first album will soon be in the stores. </p><p>However, Freddie's lifelong abandonment issues and insecurities about his psychical appearance inevitably lead to him ruining the very best thing he had in his life. His relationship with Brian.<br/>Is it too late to salvage things between them? Can Freddie ever hope to win him back and more importantly: is he even worthy of another chance?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Brian May/Freddie Mercury, John Deacon &amp; Brian May &amp; Freddie Mercury &amp; Roger Taylor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>23</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>It's forevermore that I'll wait.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So, I've been meaning to write another Frian fic for a long time.<br/>I actually thought about adding this storyline to my other fic, "Too much love will kill you," but I wanted to keep these stories separate. "Too much love will kill you," was kind of my happy story. I don't want to ruin that. So this will be a bit darker and less happy.<br/>It won't be all tears and misery though, I promise it will go somewhere.<br/>Although I fancy myself a good writer when it comes to heavier themes and darker subjects so if that isn't for you, you may wanna stay clear of this story.<br/>I kinda like the whole idea of the two of them being a couple in the good old days and then breaking up right before Queen became successful. I've been wanting to explore that for a while. </p><p>Also, I'll go off canon a lot. There will be no Mary and I'll make some other changes too.<br/>I'm trying to keep the timeline as accurate as I can and the songs too but most of this is my own creation so bear with me if things are not canon. </p><p>Oh, did I mention I'm not a native English speaker? I'm doing my best to write this as British as I can but unfortunately, all of my TV in the Netherlands is mostly American so I might make some mistakes. </p><p>I love feedback though, feel free to send me your thoughts on this. Thanks for reading this and I hope you enjoy it. </p><p>The title is a line from one of my favourite songs: White Queen, as it began.</p><p>Here is a link to my other Maycury story, Too much love will kill you.<br/>https://archiveofourown.org/works/17092226/chapters/40194617</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>July 1973.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Freddie! Open the sodding door, right now! Before I kick it in!" Roger's voice was bellowing at Freddie from the other side of the relative safety of the door. Freddie knew that the threat was legitimate. Roger would break it down if he didn't open up right away. He'd expected his anger but still hadn't been fully ready to deal with it.<br/>
Thus, why he had taken up to hiding in his room like a petulant child, afraid of being chided by its father.</p><p>Trembling slightly at the prospect of facing his best friend he arose from the bed and wiped the tears from his bloodshed eyes. Looking at his reflection in the ornate mirror startled him. He looked absolutely ghastly, more dead than alive. He felt dead too.<br/>
The half bottle of Vodka he'd drank hadn't helped settle his nerves one teensy bit and therefore he was now wobbling to the door, trying desperately not to keel over.<br/>
Roger's pounding persisted and intensified but his words had become a blur, thankfully. Freddie felt sick to his stomach and vaguely worried he would throw up on Roger.<br/>
He finally laid his hand on the door handle and turned the key to let Roger in. The lock on the door had provided some vague false sense of security but it wouldn't have stopped Roger from bursting in. Not in his current livid state.</p><p>A furious looking Roger, clad in a mishmash of randomly picked summer clothes that didn't match at all appeared in the doorway, looking flushed, hot-heated and utterly unreasonable. However, his crude expression shifted when the full extent of Freddie's misery became clear to him. His anger then turned to sheer disappointment laced with a tiny hint of compassion. "Oh, mate. What the hell have you done?" he choked out. And that did it, those eight little words, combined with the miserable evening Freddie just had were breaking him down completely.<br/>
Freddie couldn't hold back his earth-shattering sob if Roger paid him a million quid to do it, and so he faltered and burst out into a new ocean of tears. He'd lost count as to how many times that had happened tonight.</p><p>Roger finally sympathized and hauled him in for a fierce embrace, one that Freddie needed but also couldn't bear. He didn't deserve it, not after what he'd just done.<br/>
Roger shook his head of long blonde hair against the nape of Freddie's neck, his slender arms strong and comforting around Freddie's distraught body. He had never felt this fragile in his life before. This raw and exposed. He hated feeling this feebly vulnerable.<br/>
But Roger would understand why he'd done it-right? Who better than Roger would get it? <em>Right? </em><br/>
He felt his tear stricken long hair stick to his own cheek.</p><p>The extravagant drummer pulled back to face him and wiped a tear from Freddie's cheek with the hem of his purple shirt. "I'm sorry for being this cross with you. I just-well I'm trying to understand what happened tonight, you know? Will you explain it to me?"<br/>
Freddie nodded hopelessly, knowing that he had no choice but to tell Roger the truth. Besides, he could never lie to Roger, he always saw right through him. That was his forte as Freddie's best friend.<br/>
He wouldn't comment on the drunken state Freddie was in, that wasn't Roger's style, that was more Brian's wheelhouse. No, Freddie couldn't bear to think of him. And yet it happened involuntarily. He felt his heart sink back into his stomach at the sheer thought of him.</p><p>"Sit down with me?" Roger suggested, leading him out of the bedroom and onto their shabby leather sofa. Brian would have made him a cup of tea by now but Roger settled for a tall glass of water.<br/>
Freddie knew he needed it and so he drank it all and the second and third glass Roger got him.<br/>
He accepted the fag Roger lit for him and shoved it between his quivering lips as he inhaled the delicious fragrant. He felt sick with himself. Worthless and very much like the most horrible human being on the planet.</p><p>Roger looked a tad more patient with him now but Freddie knew that would have a very short lifespan. Roger was the most impatient man he'd ever met. And right on cue, he said, "Well?"<br/>
Freddie cleared his throat with much difficulty, hearing the trembling in his hollow voice. "I take it from your accusatory tone that he already told you all you need to know, so I don't know what you want from me, Rog,"<br/>
"What I <em>want</em> from you?" he sneered hotly. "Well, a bloody explanation would be nice don't you think? Seeing how this decision affects all of us, including me and Deaky. So don't you fucking dare say it's not any of our business because you know it bloody well is,"<br/>
"Look, love, I had no choice all right? I had to do it. For Queen's sake,"<br/>
"Oh, that's just utter rubbish and you know it,"<br/>
"It isn't! We're finally lifting it off the ground successfully, we're gaining more ground and we'll present our first album soon. I'm sure we'll be grand too, we'll go touring, exploring the world, becoming filthy rich rock legends like we always wanted. But Bri and I have been bickering non-stop ever since we started writing songs together. It's only going to get worse, I'm sure.<br/>
Our bickering actually led to heated arguing when you two weren't around. It put a strain on our relationship, worsening it. I missed having my Brimi on my side as my best friend, someone I could turn to when I wanted advice on my songs. As my partner, it just wasn't working in our favour. Also, I can't give him what he needs,"<br/>
Roger ogled him suspiciously now, Freddie could tell he hadn't bought a word he'd just said. "And what's that, Fred?"</p><p>"Monogamy, darling,"<br/>
"Please tell me you didn't cheat on him because, considering the state you're in, I would <em>hate</em> to have to pound on you a little bit,"<br/>
"No Blondie, I never cheated on him. But I would, eventually. I know myself, Rog and I'm so easily seduced by new and exciting temptations.<br/>
We'll be diving into a wild lifestyle soon enough, one filled with drugs, sex, booze and countless groupies who'll fling themselves onto us. Which is a treat for you but not so much when you're in a serious relationship with someone who values monogamy and commitment above all else.<br/>
All it takes is for me to have one little mishap, one drunken night where I'm too drugged or too drunk to fully recall my actions and his trust would be shattered for good. Can you imagine how it would break his heart then, to know that I cheated on him? No, that wouldn't do, dear. I can't do that to him. It's much kinder to pull the bandaid off right this instant to spare him severe future pain,"</p><p>Roger pondered on that for a moment, looking broodingly pensive and much older than he actually was. "I suppose that makes <em>some</em> sense. Having a secret relationship like that when you're in the spotlight is nearly impossible to accomplish and all that. It all sounds quite logical and literal to me, Fred, to be honest.<br/>
It's nearly the same thing Brian said to me earlier tonight when he knocked on my door, looking as distraught as you're looking right now. He was doing his best to rationalize it too, trying to trick me into believing that he too felt that this was for the best. All in favour of Queen and our impending success.<br/>
However, I'm not falling for either of your bollock stories.<br/>
You love Brian fiercely, I know you do. You've been together for nearly eight months but you've loved him ever since you met him. Christ, you've been living together for nearly two years now! The last couple of months, since you got together you constantly described him as the love of your life and now you suddenly wanna chuck all of that in the bin? No chance, mate.<br/>
Try a little harder if you like to fool me. I know precisely <em>why</em> you're really doing this, what's haunting you,"</p><p>Freddie felt awfully backed into a corner. He should have known better than to think he could get away with tricking Roger into his bullshit excuse for a story. "Oh? And why is that, love?"</p><p>"Because ironically you're the one who's completely terrified of losing Brian, you're not worried you'll cheat on him, your biggest fear is that he's going to leave you as soon as something better looking comes along. It always has been. You have some genuine abandonment and insecurity issues, Fred. So, you need to be the one who leaves him first, so that he can't do that to you.<br/>
It's all very reversed psychology, you know? It's sort of in the ABC's of Farrokh Bulsara. Not Freddie Mercury. No, this defining fear predates your whole exuberant, pretentious Freddie persona.<br/>
This hatched itself when your parents sent you to boarding school and basically <em>"abandoned"</em> you.<br/>
Took you away from your baby sister. That pain was so severe that you vowed to never let yourself get hurt like that ever again. It's easier to leave someone than to be left behind isn't it?"</p><p>Freddie shrugged agitated and wiped his damp eyes. "Usually, yes. But sadly not this time. I've never felt pain like this before when I-"<br/>
Roger stubbed his cig out in the ashtray and took Freddie's hands into his. Freddie avoided his keen baby blue eyes, not wanting to shatter completely if he dared to see compassion in them. He still hated himself for what he just did and he didn't want Roger's pity, couldn't bear it to allow himself to feel better.<br/>
No, he wanted to punish himself severely for letting the fucking best thing that ever happened to him slip right through his fingers due to his own stupid insecurities.</p><p>Eventually, he managed to pull himself together and faced Roger, who looked mildly neutral, which wasn't his look, it looked much better on Deaky. "How is he?" he managed to croak out, hardly recognizing his own voice. It was so raw, so strained and unbearably fragile.<br/>
Roger sighed, deflated. "Well he's pretty bad, mate, to be honest, he asked if he could move in with me for a while. We'll probably come by tomorrow to pick up his stuff. He asked me to-"<br/>
Freddie's ears piqued instantly and he released Roger's hands to twiddle with a button on his shirt. "To what?"</p><p>"Well, technically he asked for three things. One was to bring him your spare notebook, he said he wanted to make some lyrical adjustments to "The march of the black queen," and-"<br/>
Freddie rolled his eyes. "Good heavens! Again? I doubt I'll ever finish that song, darling and I surely don't need his assistance on it. Tell him to stop sticking his nose where it doesn't belong! It's my bloody song and he needs to keep his pointy nose out of it!"<br/>
"Oh, <em>I'm</em> not telling him shit! Tell him yourself if you're that bothered by it. I'm not functioning as some bloody messenger carrying letters from one scorned lover to the next. You're an adult, pick up the magical device called the telephone and talk to him yourself!"<br/>
Freddie grumbled loudly, sheer anger rumbling through his system. "What else?"</p><p>Roger lit another fag and steadied himself, which led Freddie to conclude that whatever it was he surely wouldn't like it. "He asked if you couldn't be here tomorrow when we come to pick up his stuff,"<br/>
That was like taking a punch in the gut. Freddie's anger quickly subsided and the everlasting, consuming pain reemerged, eating away at his heart. "He wants to kick me out of my own flat? Tomorrow's Sunday, where exactly does he want me to go?"<br/>
"Anywhere but here, Fred. And it's his flat too,"<br/>
"Not anymore it isn't,"<br/>
"No, you definitely saw to that didn't you?" Roger fumed. It was cruel but Freddie craved for the pain, it was like pumping stingy fuel in his veins and Roger knew it. He was aiding and abetting Freddie through his own masochism. Roger wasn't generally much of an enabler ( that was mostly Brian's role ) but he always knew just what Freddie needed.<br/>
"Fine, I'll be out. What else did he want from me?"</p><p>Roger anxiously gnawed on his lower lip. "Well, this one is a bit trickier. But uh, he asked if he could have Romeo over at my place for a while,"<br/>
Freddie blew up like a red balloon. "HE WHAT?!!"<br/>
"Oh come on, Fred," Roger negotiated, "You know how attached Romeo is to Brian. He's more his cat than yours, you know. And he needs his love right now, his comfort and warmth.<br/>
You know he does. Besides, Tom and Jerry won't miss Romeo either, they don't even care for him that much.<br/>
I seriously doubt they would notice he was gone, to be honest. Just lend him to Bri for a few days, to help him get through all of this. Suffer through the mess you created,"<br/>
"Thank you for that, dear," Freddie remarked dryly as his gaze landed on the brown statue of Romeo who was sleeping soundly on the burgundy armchair. Tom and Jerry were in the bedroom, laying on the edge of the bed, sleeping with their limbs contorted like a set of conjoined twins as always.<br/>
"Oi, don't blame me. You're the one who wants me to help you chastise yourself,"</p><p>"You're <em>not</em> taking my cat away from me, Rog," Freddie declared stubbornly, clenching his teeth. "Moving cats around to new environments and then dragging them back is super stressful for them, I'm not doing it. No way,"<br/>
"Yeah, you are," Roger disclosed. "You haven't seen the state he was in when I found him. Calling him a wreck would be putting it mildly. He's in a horrid state, Fred, <em>horrid</em>.<br/>
I've never seen him like this, ever. Fuck, it took him four bloody hours to finally stop crying and tell me what had happened. He's so susceptible to depression that I fear this won't end well for him.<br/>
Cats can be the perfect antidote for that empty feeling, you know that. Just give him this small shard of mercy, for his sake. To protect him from himself. Won't you help him? If you truly love him and I know you do, you'll not leave him standing alone in the dark without offering him a lantern to guide him through the fog <em>you</em> created,"</p><p>Freddie felt his remaining resistance crumbling and the haunting images of a distraught Brian reemerged in his mind.<br/>
He'd seen them firsthand this afternoon when he'd broken Brian's heart but Roger's description was even more alarming. Thick layers of consuming guilt were overwhelming him. "Oh, all right, I suppose he can take him for a while. Also, he's probably going to need this tonight," Freddie wandered to their bedroom and brought Brian's favourite telescope with him, placing it beside the coffee table in front of Roger. "Looking at the moon always helps him. It soothes him. We did that for hours when we couldn't sleep at night. Stargazing will help settle his nerves, well some at least,"<br/>
Looking back on it now, those were probably some of Freddie's fondest memories of their time together. Brian not being able to sleep after they'd made love or when he was up worrying over a song or a test and turning to his treasured telescope that stood near the bed to look at the mysteries of the universe.<br/>
Freddie would somehow always wake up and join Brian in his quest for new undiscovered stars.<br/>
He would listen intensively to Brian's passionate stories about the constellations, his head resting on Brian's lap or his warm bare chest, feeling safer and happier than he'd ever been.<br/>
Occasionally distracting Brian from his stories with a kiss or two ( or fifty ).</p><p>Roger took hold of Freddie's hands again, sensing that he needed it. Freddie was so overwhelmed with all the drama and misery of the past few hours that the realization of what he'd done today was only now sinking in.<br/>
The numbing haze from the Vodka was starting to wear off and horrible memories of Brian's face came back to haunt him. "Oh flipping hell, what the fuck have I done? I'm the most debauched, horrifying human being in the history of the world! How could I have done that to him? To him of all people? How can I ever face him again? What will happen to us? To Queen? It will be so awkward now, so ruined and-"<br/>
"Fred, stop it. Look at me," Roger said with an impressive level of calm considering the situation. Freddie did. The turquoise eyes were hooded yet warm. "It's going to be all right. He just needs some time to get past this, okay <em>a</em> <em>lot</em> of time. I'm sure Queen will be fine, eventually, you know. I believe you two can go back to being close friends like you were before you became a couple. It just takes time. And some space,"<br/>
Freddie doubted it. Brian wasn't one to just get over things and definitely not <em>"things"</em> like this. "Do you think he'll ever forgive me?" he had to ask, even if he wouldn't like the answer.<br/>
"Yes, I do,"<br/>
Well, that was somewhat of a relief but Freddie wasn't convinced Roger believed it himself. "Do you think I made the biggest blunder of my life, letting him go?"<br/>
"Yes, don't you?"</p><p>Freddie burst out into tears once again, for the umpteenth time that day. Roger collected him close to his chest and stroked his back until he finally calmed down a tad. He missed Brian like he missed air in his lungs. It physically hurt him, like someone had pressed a massive anvil down on his chest, compressing his ribcage to squeeze all the air out of him.<br/>
He longed to have Brian in his arms once again, to feel whole and complete. But he'd chosen this for them. He was the one who had ruined it all. There was none other to blame than himself.<br/>
And now he had endangered the sole survival of their group, his longtime friendship with Brian and possibly ruined his relationship with Roger and Deaky. And he had accomplished all of that in a matter of hours.<br/>
Freddie had never felt worse in his entire life. Would he ever get over this? Would Brian? Would Queen?</p><p>Two hours later Roger left with Romeo, the telescope and Freddie's notebook. Assuring him that he'd call him the first thing in the morning to discuss which time Brian would come over to pick up his belongings.</p><p>Freddie curled up on Brian's side of the bed and screamed into the familiar scent of his pillow as Tom and Jerry snuggled up in his arms.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>TBC.....</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>How was it, guys? This was just a short introduction to the story. Roger and Freddie are still platonic soulmates because that's how I love to write them the most.<br/>Roger is trying to be a good friend to both of them right now, but it's hard for him. He is a good friend though. </p><p>I will dive deeper into Freddie's break up and how that day went but probably from Brian's POV. I'll alternate that a lot, I always like to do that. </p><p>Anyway, I'm super curious to hear your thoughts. Thanks for reading this! &lt;333</p></blockquote></div></div>
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